Toni and Pamela

Just checking in

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:33:01 GMT

Just checking in to say hey and let everyone know we are still here and loosing!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry been super busy with work and wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope all is well for everyone!

Harsh Reality!!!

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 20:48:01 GMT

Let me just say WOW!!!!! There are some really amazing pages on here!!

You knwo when I first started this with my sister i reallyt hought, man we could really be int his competition, we could win!! ha ha, I was silly!!! I have had so much drama and so much going on in my life and it all seemed to happen during the course of this competitiont hat I ahven't even been able to continue the major weight loss I so easily acheived before this contest!!! I eman I lost over 100 pounds in a year, and what I jsut thought it was going to keep droping off????? No, not so much, I mean between health and just life in general, it has just not went the way I wanted it to and I am bummed about it but I am not goign to give up!!

I am excited to see just how creative so many people out there are and how much people are willign to share. It is good and bad, hey we wanted to win,a dn with me being a writer i had hoped that would help us, but wow, there are just alot of deserving people on this site who have really been on all day, leaving great comments and really REALLY!!! have set a great example! I am not quitting, pam and I are definitly still in this, I really jsut wanted ot blog and let everyone know how great I thought they were doing. I know I haven't accomplished what i wanted too during this challenge, but I learned alot. i learned about life, and how sometimes it takes taking a time out, to really do what is best for your body!! Granted I am sure I couldn't have possible know i would have my jaw broken or get a serious medical diagnosis over the course of the challenge, but even besides that, life has just been alot and I ahve jsut not had the time and determination I once had. But I am back int he game, and not for the contest but for me!!! I plan to keep this site (yes this was prompted by so many asking how many of us are going to stay here after the contest ends!) and continue my journey. And hey, i won the grand prize because on October 18, 2008 I will be marrying the love of my life and it just doesn't get any better than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Toni!

Relationships, pros or cons???

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 14:22:13 GMT

So Angela had posted a blog this morning about her husband getting ready to leave for Houston without her and how much she was going to miss him and it really made me thing about our relationships, well actually more about mine! (Yeah yeah I know the whole world revolves around me!! ha ha!!!)

I have (or I guess I should say now have been!!) always been really independent but not so much since Kris! He has totally changed me and I start to wonder is it all positive. I mean don’t get me wrong I have always wanted a man who truly understands me and accepts me as I am, and that is definitely what I have, but when does that kind of unconditional love become not in your best interest? I know I will probably get tons of hate email about how spoiled I am and how I should just appreciate what I have and trust me I do. NOBODY knows more than me how lucky I am to have such a wonderfully loving man, but he is just like you are perfect baby!! Always tells me everyday how great I look and even when I first started loosing the weight he was always like, well I love you NOW and however you are, and you are the most beautiful woman in the world…yada yada yada! I am not complaining what woman does not love compliments, but I just feel like I don’t know, like I don’t have any pressure to better myself! I know that is horrible for me to say, and I am lucky that I have the kind of man who will let me blame him for my own lack of motivation of late, but it just flat out comes down to the fact that he has really MADE ME LOVE ME!!! And I didn’t for sooooo long!! he has made me accept myself as I am, and I know it sounds bad, but alot of my motivation was based in my hatred and unhappiness with myself! Now that that is gone, I feel like I have kinda lost my drive. Let me tell you, there is nothing like being uncomfortable in your own skin to get you motivated and up off your butt!!! Kris is big on, “if you don’t like it change it, or shut up about it!!” And I have kinda taken on that mantra as well, but I really do just LOVE myself!! flab and all. And I am proud of that, but it also makes me feel sad, because there is still more improvement I have to make!!

Okay, so enough of me whining!! I guess with the Rheumatoid Arthritis and the mouth surgery and everything else that have been going on, I just feel like my weight loss has fallen to the back burner and I need to write this blog. I need to put it out there that I was off track, in order to get myself back on track, because even now as I write this it is like come on girl. You have a man who loves you as you are, and you think that could in some way be negative!! I am saying it to myself!! GIRL GET A GRIP!!!! Thanks for letting me vent and I am sure all your comments (and PLEASE DO COMMENT!!!) will give me the push I need t0 make the most of this next month and 1/2 (OH YEAH!!! I AM GETTIGN MY DRESS FINALLY ORDERED SO AFTER THAT IT IS ALL ABOUT MAINTAINING, NOT LOOSING BECUSE I CAN’T HAVE THE FIASCO I JUST HAD, HAVING TO CHANGE MY DRESS BECAUSE I COULDN’T FILL TI OUT LIKE I DID BEFORE!!!).So wish me luck!!! My goal is 30 pounds!!!!! Hold me to it!!!! THANKS BUDDIES!!!

I'm back!!Sore but back!!!

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 14:46:48 GMT

Surgey went fine!!! Got all 5 wisdome teeth out no problem!!! i still looks like a gerbil!! but the swelling should go down soon!!! Still not really able to eat real food, so yep, i am starving but it still jsut hurts too much to chew!!!! Hope everyone is doing well!!

Oh yeah I just had to share one small victory I had. last time I had surgery, my knee replacement, I had major IV problems!! They tried like 20 times and could not get and IV, I ended up having to have it in my neck!! Well I guess 100 pounds of weight off does make a big difference, they got the IV in ont he first try, no problem!!! It is just nice to see that I am making positive changes in my life and they are paying off!! Just a small victory I wanted to share!! Have a great day all!!!

Surgery Tommorrow!!!

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:12:17 GMT

So, I have my wisdom teeth removal tommorrow and I am terrified!! but hey, it possible hurt worse than it is hurting right now!

So i will be MIA for a few days!!!

Wish me luck!!!

Toni

WHOOO HOOOO FINALLY A LOSS!!!

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:18:30 GMT

FINALLY A LOSS!!!!!

I lost 4 pounds last week!!! Not the 5 I wanted but hey I will take it!!!!!

These steroids are not going to hold me back!!!!

I am having my wisdom teeth removed this week so I am sure being unable to eat solid foods will have an affect this week , but I will let you knwo how that goes!!

Hope everyone is starting off with a great week!!!

Toni!!

9 pounds down!!!! 31 to go!!!!

Happy Valentines Day!!

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 14:03:29 GMT

Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day!!!!

It's working, it's working!!!

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:29:30 GMT

So I am super excited this week!!!

I am loving my new meal plan!! Protein shake with banana for breakfast, meal replacement bar for 10am snack, salad for lunch, celery and carrots for 3pm snack, sensible dinner, i.e. baked chicken or soemthing along those lines!

And gues what……… so far this week already down 3 pounds!!!! I knwo it is not the end of the week yet, and we all know how the scale can betray us at the last minute, but I really really really think I am going to hit my 5 pound week finally, and put my stupid plateau and my steroids behind me!!(I am on prescribed steroids for my Rheumatoid Arthritis! I jsut realized someone who hasn’t read previous blogs might be like “what she is taking steroids, so I figured I better add that!!! )

So hopefully things will continue and I will be posting a 5 pound loss for this week!! So I am doing the happy dance already!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!! TONI

Monday!!!

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:05:40 GMT

SO, It is Monday and the start of a new week!!

I am really excited!! I have come to terms with what I must do to continue my weight loss and reach my goals, even with the diagnosis and the steroids!! I have a new meal plan and a new workout regimine, consisting of water aerobics and slow treadmill walking (thanks doc!!!). Wish me luck!!!

I am really hoping to have my 5 pound weight loss this week!!!!

Have a great day all!!!!

Inspiration

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 14:06:20 GMT

I'm Back!!!

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 14:01:50 GMT

So, I am back!!! I just needed some time to just kinda take it all in and, honestly, form a new gameplan!!! if I can't work out like I used to, and I ahve to take steroids, then I am just going to have to step it up ont he diet and step it up ont he upper body work outs!!

I finally got to watch this weeks Biggest Loser, I know I know, but with working like 13 hour days this week, I just didn't have the time to catch it on the night it aired! And seeing Mark still be the biggest loser even with an injury has given me a new attitude!! (Sorry if the song is driving you guys crazy, but it just pumps me up everytime I log in and hear it!!!)

So I am joining a water aerobics class, it is only twice a week, but it is something! Then I will continue my mile of laps int he pool each night, and I will just work my upper body!!!

I WILL loose this weight! NO MATTER WHAT!!! There is always going to be an excuse, a reason why I didn't reach my goal, and the only thing I can do is blame this or that, or I can just step up and decide that failure is not an option. i just refuse to QUIT!! and giving up now, even with an injury is exactly what that would be! My sister is behind me 100% and that makes me knwo I can get it done. She is amazing and if she believes in me, and still thinks I can do it, then that is all I need to hear!!!! GAME ON!!!

Wish me luck!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend! TONI

Devastating Diagnosis!!!!!

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:43:58 GMT

So, I had a pretty bad weekend!!! It involved alot of tears and disappointment!!!

My knee started hurting really bad Friday night and by Saturday morning I could not even walk. I was in tears from the pain and literally wanted to cut my leg off. Now a little back information on me, I may be a baby and cry from emotional stuff at the drop of a hat, but I can take some pain. I made it thru 3 knee surgeries, one of which was a total reconstruction, without a single tear!! Let me tell you the pain from all my surgeries combined was nothing compared to the pain I felt this weekend. It was sharp and shooting and constant. Poor Kris was doing everything he could, he went to the store and bought about $50 worth of cremes and bengay!! We thought it was a pinched nerve or siatica in my knee, since I have had it before (or so we thought!!!). By 10:00am Saturday i couldn’t take it anymore so we were off to the emergency room!!!

After hours of more pain and X-rays and all that good stuff the doctor came in and dropepd the bomb on me. Severe Rheumetoid Arthritis! 3, one two three!!!!, months of steroid treatment to start. Oxycottin/ Hydrocodone for the pain, melohpine (something like that) anti inflammatory, and let me say it again 3 freaking months of steriods!! I am devestated. He also told me I only have about 2 more years on this knee, and that i am going to need a full knee replacement!! I may not be walking by 40!! So of course I am really really upset!! I have come so far, worked sooooo hard, just to feel like it was too late. He did tell me that this is an autoimmune problem and it is not becuase of my weight. He said I was sure I had come accross my share 0f doctors who have blamed my knee problems on my weight, but he said this is not the case, so that did make me feel a little, very little, bit better!!

I have been here before, I have been on steroids before, last time I was on them for 2 months and gained 52 pounds!! The thought of gaining back almost half the weight i have lost is just ……just to much to deal with!! I was really depressed Saturday, not to mention in excruciating pain! I think people here arthritis and they think, oh sore joints, let me tell you that is the understatement of the year. He says it will not always feel this painful, that i am in the middle of what they call a “flare-up” which I think is a pretty funny term since my knee did feel like it was on fire, like I was being stabbed with a molten hot lava knife or something!!!!

Problem is, my vigorous workout days are over. He said I can say goodbye to the elliptical, stationary bike!!! I have to do low impact only!! Basically i can walk on the treadmill for like 20 minutes, like 3 times a week, if I want my knee to make it even the 2 years he is giving me. I am 26 years old!! 26, supposedly in the prime of my life, and my body is trying to call it quits on me!!! He said I have the knees of an 80 year old!! Hell have my knees been leaving my body at night and living it up years at a time without my knowledge’???? Ha ha trying to make light somehow!!!

I just feel so, one step forward, two steps back, is this really where things are going. My health or my knees. I really thought loosing weight would fix my knee, not make it worse. I mean I knew my workouts were putting alot of pressure on my knee, but I was focused on the bigger picture, no pain no gain right, well apparently not!!

Oh yeah, my advice to anyone diagnosed with anything, don’t go doing research on the internet, it will only make it worse!!! This can reportedly lead to all kinds of problems, even death, if it targets the lungs and kidneys, which luckily for know it seems to be only my knees!! One thing I did read that caught my eye was that it can lead to anemia, which I was diagnosed with sever anemia and extreme iron deficienty years ago, so i am just wondering if maybe the two are related and why they didn’t catch this before my body pretty much desolved away my knee!!! The x-rays looked so bad, the x-ray tech. wasn’t sure if they would work so he left me on the table, and the doctor must not have seem me still sitting there cuz he came in to look at the x-ray and was like wow, this is really bad!! These are the worst knees I have ever seen!! Thanks alot DOC!!! Not that this is the first time I have heard this, I knew when they did my surgery, they said my knee was shot and they did the best they could, but it still is hard to deal with all over again!!

So, I am not sure where I go from here. I am going to take a few days to really just clear my head and really just get my game plan. I refuse to put any weight back on and would really like to continue loosing, and accomplish my goals, so now i just have to find a way to do that within my abilities!! Here I come water aerobics!!! Wish me luck, and thanks for letting me vent!!! TONI

Friday!!!

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 13:51:47 GMT

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Friday and a GREAT WEEKEND!!!

For the First Time!!!

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 14:46:20 GMT

I just wanted to share with you all a poem I wrote, hope you like it!

For the First Time

by Toni Mickle

I saw her for the first time and it caught me by surprise!

Her face, her skin, her mouth and cheeks but mostly her bright eyes.

I wondered what she was thinking, what thoughts filled up that head,

And I wondered if she knew inside, how easily she was being read.

I knew that if she knew it, she would surely look away,

For letting people in was hard, even to this very day.

But yet I swear I saw in her, something open and quite new,

I wondered if looking back at me, she saw it in me too!

As I looked deep into the heart of her, and knew she’d be okay,

It took me longer than it normally does to turn and walk away!

She seemed so strong and beautiful, and for once as if she knew,

So I smiled deep from in my heart, and to the mirror a kiss I blew!!!

TONI

So close yet so far!!!!

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 14:40:14 GMT

Man, so close yet so far, means two things for me this morning.

First, Houston is only 3 hours away, and the biggest loser will be there this weekend and I am not going to be able to make it. I am really bummed about it! I really wanted to meet Bob and Jillian!!! I wish they were announcing where they were going to be more in advance. I didn't know they were going to be there this weekend until the show on Tuesday and I have already promised my fiance' to be with him this weekend. You know Superbowl! He is a die hard football fan, and is not having me driving 3 hours out of town during the biggest game of the year. I guess worrying about me might distract from his game enjoyment or something! ANd I know if I pushed he would say it was okay but I have to keep my promises to my future husband.I really just wanted to give Bob a hug!! He just seems so...I don't know, don't get me wrong, Jillian is a beast in the gym and I would definitly want her as a trainer, becuase maybe from being a military brat, but I just need that in your face, yelling cuz it just motivates me to work even harder, but Bob. Well when I see him on the show and he talks, i just feel something, like he really understands that it takes more than just the gym, that it really takes a complete make-over, inside and out to overcome our weight issues. I don't know, yeah it doesn't hurt that he is hot, but hey, maybe I will get to meet him, if we make it to the finals!!

So, the second part of that for me, is my actual weight loss goals and journey. I feel so close yet so far on both ends. I guess I am kinda right in the middle of my transformation and that is why I feel that way. On one hand it is like, I have lost over 100 pounds!!! That is massive, that could be an entire person!! But yet, i still feel like I have so far to go. I mean I still weigh over 250, and that is still alot. Alot for my little 5'4'' frame to be carrying!! So it is like, I did something great for myself, I lost over a fourth of my body weight, but I still have so much to loose. I know it may sound crazy, but I am finally getting to where I see the changes. For the longest when i first started loosing I still saw all the fat, all the rolls, it all still looked the same to me, even when everyone around me was telling me how good I looked, but I finally realized why. It isn't just the weight for me. I have some deep seated issue that I had to deal with, or I would always be carryign this weight one way or another. There was a really great discussion thread started about double identities and what are we torn betweena dn for me that is simple. I am torn between the person i feel I am inside and the person I have let my weight transform me into! I would love to lay down my burdens and let my walls down and shedding this weight is step one for me! I would never feel well, feel good enough with the weight on. I can finally say I love myself. And actually mean it, not just say it! I mean I have had alot of falsely professed love in my life, but the person who has lied the most to me, has been me, becuase I told myself I was okay and I wasn't. But I am now!! Yeah I am still overweight, but I am doing what it takes to get it off, and I have no doubt I will succeed! I may be plateauing now, but I WILL start loosing again, and I WILL reach my goals! And regardless of how I look afterwards, I have alot alot alot of hanging skin alredy!!!!, I will know that I took control of my own happiness and I did what I said I would do, and that is one of the greatest things I can do for myself.

Sorry I know this blog was scattered and all over the place, but I just wanted to release a little of the emotion I had welling up inside of me!! Thanks for listening.

TONI

1 pound!!!

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:09:43 GMT

1 POUND!!! I lost 1 POUND!!! I was really hoping for 5 but I think I need to put that goal ont he back burner for a week or so again!!!

I guess I really am hitting a plateau!!!

Well I can get upset or I can wait it out!! I think i will just wait it out, up my calories a little bit to give my metabolism a boost and just hope the numbers start falling again!!!!!

so for Toni, 5 pounds down, 35 to go!!!!!!

Frustration

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:10:18 GMT

So I am pretty frustrated!!

It doesn't look like I am going to get my 5 pounds this week!! Not only am I not going to get my 5 pounds, but I will be lucky to get any according to my scale!! I am sooooo frustrated it is not even funny!!

I am busting my butt and not loosing. I mean my clothes are fitting better so i must be loosing inches, but I want to see the pounds coming off. The only thing I can think is I need to raise my calorie intake. Pamela says I might be hitting my plateau which would suck to hit right int he middle of a competition, but I will get thru it. I still ahev more work to do, and if it takes some weeks of no weight loss to give my body a break from all this, then I will just wait it out! But I am not giving up and I am going to continue working just as hard becuase this isn't something I can quit!!!

I WILL START MY MARRIED LIFE OFF HEALTHY!!!!! I WILL

Hope things are going well for everyone!!!

Have a great weekend all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Checking in!!

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 14:39:39 GMT

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing? Hope all is well!!!!

Tuesday!!!

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 14:40:34 GMT

I wish this were true!!! But I saw it and thought it was cute and wanted to share!! Hope everyone is having a great week and sticking to plan!

Baby Steps

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:29:55 GMT

Ok. I made it to the gym twice last week- and it took some motivation. My 14 month old just doesn' t do well at the gym daycare. She cries and cries and I feel so guilty. So I've decided to attempt to leave school right at 3:30 and race to the gym before picking her up 3 times a week. I end up leaving some work undone but hey, my health and my family need to come first until I can make this new lifestyle a habit. Once the weather begins to warm up I know I walk with the girls and plan more outdoor activities but for now I'm just going to have to make it work. I can celebrate that I made it through induction, YEAH!!! So now I can loosen up a little and incorporate some more food options into my diet. I still plan on staying below 20 carbs but now I'll have a little more variety. I just have to keep telling myself to take it one day at a time. I don' t plan on blogging next year about my 'shoulda, coulda, wouldas'. Instead I want to be out shopping with my sister.

Photo Album: Full Body Shots

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 17:23:37 GMT

Full Body Shots

Toni at pam's wedding - Feb. 2001

Toni going out - July 2007

me, Pam & Aaron (July 2007) going out2

toni & pam trying on dresses for TOni's wedding - Nov. 2007

Pamela & Christian-full body before shot

Photo Album: Toni's World

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 14:26:17 GMT

Toni's World

My Baby!!!!!!!!!!!

me & my baby going out (July 2007)

Me and my fiance - March 2007

Kris & I at our friend's wedding - Dec. 2007

Kris, me and some friends at our friend's wedding - Dec. 2007

me, Pam (my sister) & Aaron(our brother) going out -July 2007

all my beautiful neices - July 2007

all my neices @ grandmas - July 2007

Toni & Chris on vacation

Ahh, How Cute!

More Photos...

Photo Album: Pamela's World

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 03:20:39 GMT

Pamela's World

This is what I'm trying to get back to- Feb 2001

Jefferson Family Christamas Portrait - Dec. 2007 (This is why I need to make my health a priority)

My beautiful daughters, Trinity & Christian

The toast-Feb 2001

Engagement Photo- Dec. 1999

Me and my Hubby- Feb 2001

Family Bridal Party- Nov. 2007

Toni & Ma-Nov. 2007

Toni, Aaron, Pamela (pregnant) & Daddy

We completed a 2 mile charity walk- Nov. 2007 Yes, I carried her during the walk. -Nov. 2007

Photo Album: Toni's upcoming Wedding

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 14:07:12 GMT

Toni's upcoming Wedding

Me in my wedding dress, currently size 24, ordered in a size 16!!! Better hit the gym!!!!

I must be seriuosly thinking about my weightloss or I am turnign into a bridezilla!!! HA HA

Side shot, this will be better as I get smaller!!!

Me and my lovely sister Pam, who is also my Matron of Honor!!!!

Blog list: My Favorites

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 20:13:33 GMT

My Favorites

TwinTluv
My buddyslim weightloss blog!!!
My wedding page!!!!
Kris & I's wedding website!!!